The beginning of the year is always filled with enthusiasm, promises, and hope. Many of us set goals, intentions, create vision boards, and decide to change our habits. Which in itself is a wonderful practice.
I won’t be the “change police” who tell you that you don’t need to wait for the New Year to change your life. Nor will I claim that it’s wrong to start on January 1st. Apart from the overcrowded gyms where it becomes hard for me to work out, I personally support this euphoria and actively take part in it. I like the feeling of a new beginning.
The problem, however, is not in wanting change, but in sustaining it. What I want more people to learn is not just to desire change, but to actually manage to keep it in the long run. Not to give up in the third week, when motivation drops. I wish more people would dream boldly, but also build on those dreams by creating sustainable habits, working systems, and realistic goals that bring them closer to the life they want.
That’s why in the next part I will look at some of the main reasons why we so often fail to create the change we desire – and what we can do differently.
Main reasons why we don’t achieve change
1. Inner resistance
How many times have you strongly wanted a certain change, but “something always seems to stop you”? We can be experts in goal setting and know everything about habits, but we won’t be able to create real change if a part of us is resisting. This can happen consciously or unconsciously, but the results always show up in the process.
You want to wake up every morning at 6:30 to have a calm hour for yourself, but somehow every evening you go to bed too late and fail to do it? No, this is not a coincidence or bad luck. This kind of “self-sabotage” often stems from the fact that a part of us does not agree with this action – either in an attempt to protect us, or because our old behavior serves an important function.
2. Acting from old patterns
Besides physical habits, we also have mental ones. Thoughts and emotions automatically arise in our minds and lead us toward certain behaviors. When this repeats for long enough, it becomes a habit – a habit that does not always serve us well.
If we don’t observe it and consciously change it, our behavior will remain the same, regardless of our good intentions. For example, we decide to start setting boundaries, but every time someone asks something of us, our first thought is how to respond so that the person will be pleased. In this case, the likelihood of actually setting a boundary is minimal.
3. Choosing the wrong means or the wrong goal
Let’s say what we want in the new year is more calm and peace. Instead of focusing on how to create more calm in our daily life, we decide that we need to earn more money, because money brings peace of mind.
The result? A more intense pace, more stress, and yes – more money, but not more calm. In such a case, the change cannot be satisfying, because we have chosen a means that works against our true need.
4. Lack of real action
Nothing will change if we don’t act. If we want a healthy and strong body, we need to eat in a way that supports it and move. If we want professional growth, we need to take risks and act boldly. Often we want change, but we wait for a “better moment,” more motivation, or better circumstances. The truth is that motivation comes after action, not before it.
5. Huge and unrealistic goals
Sometimes our goals are so big and abstract that instead of motivating us, they discourage us. “A new life,” “Big success,” “Healthy eating,” “A happy relationship” – these are ideas that sound inspiring, but they don’t give clear direction for action.
When a goal is too distant and not broken down into concrete, achievable steps, the brain perceives it as a threat rather than an opportunity. And then we either procrastinate or give up before we’ve even started.
What actually works?
We know there is no magic pill, but there are methods and techniques that can feel almost magical – even though they require some effort until they become habits. Here are some of them:
Awareness
Awareness of the patterns by which we live and react. Of the needs behind our behavior. Of the emotions that drive us, that make us act or avoid action. Without this awareness, any change remains superficial and temporary.
Changing our thoughts
Along with that, changing the thoughts that automatically lead to the same choices. It is fashionable to talk about “limiting beliefs,” but in reality, the way we think about ourselves and the world plays a huge role in our behavior.
Observe and, when necessary, change your thoughts. This is not about positive thinking, but about realistic and supportive thinking that opens space for new behavior.
Actions
This awareness must lead to ACTIONS. Digging and analyzing mean nothing if they are not followed by new behavior. But not chaotic actions – actions that are already in sync with the person we want to become. Purposeful and conscious actions.
Small, specific steps
Not dramatic changes, but sustainable choices that we can repeat both when motivation is low and when life is demanding.
And something very important – when we choose such steps, they must be applicable to our daily life, our capacities, and our context. Otherwise, they once again turn into unrealistic goals.
I will end this article by saying that everything is possible, as long as we work for it consciously. And also that no one will build a happy life or inner well-being for us – that is our own responsibility.
A gentle reminder that if you want to achieve sustainable and meaningful change toward the life you desire, I can help you. Get in touch with me.