Thinking is essential, but there are times when our thoughts themselves can undermine our mental health and overall well-being. Overthinking and rumination are common contributors to exhaustion, procrastination, intense negative emotions, and even more serious psychological and physical health problems.
That’s why it’s worth reminding ourselves of a few important truths whenever we find ourselves trapped in the vicious cycle of overthinking.
Thoughts are not facts
One of the most common, yet rarely recognized, mistakes we make is treating all of our thoughts as objective reality. Just because something appears in our mind does not automatically make it true. Thoughts are interpretations—our mind’s attempts to explain, predict, or make sense of what is happening around us. Sometimes they are accurate and helpful; other times, they are neither.
When we tell ourselves, “I won’t be able to handle this,” we often experience it as a fact rather than a hypothesis. When we think, “He/she is disappointed in me,” we react emotionally as if it were a confirmed truth. In many cases, however, this is simply an assumption that may not be accurate. The evidence we use to support these assumptions is filtered through our own subjective perspective and is far from objective.
Such thoughts can be helpful, but they can also be inaccurate, distorted, or influenced by our current emotional state. That is why the key skill is not to stop our thoughts, but to learn to examine them critically and question them.
We don’t have to pay attention to every thought.
Thousands of thoughts pass through our minds every day, triggered by all kinds of external circumstances and internal states. The fact that thoughts exist in our minds does not mean we have to pay attention to each one. We have every right to let a thought go when we don’t find it helpful or when it becomes overwhelming.
There is an important distinction here:
Thoughts appear in our minds automatically, but it is our choice how much attention we give them. It is our attention that “feeds” a thought and gives it weight. When we consciously choose to let go of or reframe a thought, it can bring us much more ease and inner calm.
Thoughts are not always ours
A big part of the thoughts—and consequently the beliefs—we hold are not consciously chosen. They are shaped by the environment we grew up in, the messages we heard, and the experiences we have had.
This means that part of our inner dialogue, such as our inner critic, is not necessarily our authentic choice, but rather an adopted external voice. When we don’t question these thoughts, they can become our personal truths without us ever consciously choosing them or even truly agreeing with them. It is important to ask ourselves whether we actually agree with a particular thought, and if we don’t, where it came from or whose voice we are hearing.
Thoughts lead to emotions (and vice versa)
The things we think about send signals to our nervous system. These signals can trigger physiological responses (such as a racing heart, muscle tension, or shortness of breath), as well as different emotions (anger, sadness, anxiety). At the same time, our emotional state also influences the nature of our thoughts. When we are anxious, our mind is more likely to create threatening scenarios. When we are sad, we tend to lean toward more negative interpretations.
This creates an endless spiral of thoughts followed by emotions, which then lead to more thoughts and even more emotions. If our thoughts are heavy or negative, we can imagine what this spiral might look like.
The more aware we are of what we are thinking, the greater influence we can have over our emotional state. Not because we can completely control our thoughts, but because we begin to recognize which thoughts trigger certain emotions and can consciously interrupt or change the spiral.
We can't read thoughts
One of the most common cognitive distortions is the assumption that we know what other people are thinking.
“He probably thinks I’m not doing well.” “She is definitely disappointed in me.”
These conclusions are often experienced as facts, but in reality, they are interpretations made without enough evidence. When we treat mind-reading as reality, we start reacting to something that may not even exist. And these reactions, although they are trying to protect us, can actually bring us pain and discomfort.
That is why it is important to examine what we actually know and what we are simply assuming based on past experiences, negative beliefs, or emotions.
A big part of the thoughts is unconscious
A large part of our thinking process happens automatically and outside of our conscious awareness. These are known as automatic thoughts, and they are often evaluative in nature:
“I embarrassed myself.” “Everything is going to go wrong.” “I wish I hadn’t said that.”
They appear so quickly that we rarely question them, yet they have a powerful impact on our self-esteem, emotions, and actions. When we become aware of them, we can intentionally observe and balance them so that they do not negatively affect our quality of life.
What are the first steps we can take?
We certainly cannot simply stop ourselves from thinking about something. Stop thinking about lemons. For sure, you are thinking about lemons right now. 😉
We may not be able to stop ourselves from thinking certain thoughts. But we can balance and change the way we think. And here are the first steps in this process:
1. Notice the thoughts..
“What thought just crossed my mind?”
2. Name the thought.
“I am having the thought that…” This creates distance between you and the thought.
3. Challenge the thought.
“Is this thought helpful to me right now?”
“Is it helping me, or is it overwhelming me?”
4. Choose an alternative thought to replace the original one.
“I always fail.” → “When I am not well prepared, I don’t perform very well, but if I make time to prepare, I can handle it.”
It is important to replace the thought with one that feels realistic to us and that we can genuinely believe.
Let’s follow the principle: “I become aware of and challenge my thoughts, therefore I live with greater ease.”
If you need help and support with changing your thoughts and beliefs – please feel free to reach out to me.